I have been dating a fun-loving, adventurous girl for the past 8 months. Things are great. She’s low maintenance and gets along with all my friends. But recently I met a hotter girl that has her own car. I’m not sure how compatible we are, but her emoticon text messages are really cute. I know that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but it’d be great to have wheels. Should I risk it?
-Dilemma in Danshui
Dear Dilemma:
Love is a beautiful thing. So is a baby. But they both get ugly real quick when we open them up and start looking around inside. I find it sick and debasing, the way guys will compare girlfriend accouterments here like auto-protection plans. It says a lot about the rugged immaturity of the male condition when the first answer to any question about relationships is, “her dad owns a factory.” But if you’re in the shallow end of the gene pool, might as well get a tan. So I propose: Chinese Girlfriend Trading Cards. They’re like baseball cards, with the stats on the back.
Coco: 93 lbs, 28 years old, rich parents, 12 pm curfew.
Actually, the horrific thing is that this data is readily available and bandied around shamelessly. So it’d be nice to see a realistic Dating Card, for everyone on the scene.
Coco: bulemic & moody, 28 (Lunar) years old, domineering mother-in-law, STDs.
Rick: overweight, cheap, funny when drunk, can't fuck.
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